The False Dichotomy
Thinking of joining an online record collector group? There's one rule you are not supposed to break
Vinyl lovers come in all shapes, colours and sizes. It makes sense for our social media discussions to follow suit.
From hot new releases or old gems you’ve just discovered, to advice on how to calibrate your turntable, to horror stories of online sellers shipping records in pillow cases, it’s fair to say everything vinyl related goes.
Well, almost. You can’t think too much. Otherwise, you will be mercilessly reprimanded for breaking the unbreakable rule:
Vinyl should be about enjoying!
It doesn’t matter whether two versions of the same record are selling for 20 and 200 respectively. Don’t ask about different editions and their value. Probably best if you keep wondering whether the price you paid is fair.
Under no circumstances should you enquire about value-preserving techniques. And please refrain from showing even the slightest interest in potentially selling your records one day.
No, no, no. Don’t talk about money. Money is dirty. Repeat after me:
Vinyl = joy
Vinyl = joy
Vinyl = joy
Likewise, if you want to entertain a discussion about whether, in your view, a certain artist or record didn’t get the credit they deserved, or if you’d like to express your mixed feelings about liking or disliking an album whilst acknowledging its cultural significance (or lack thereof), you will be similarly scolded, publicly shamed and immediately put back in your place.
Kindergarten style.
The accusation —because, baseless or not, there’s always an accusation— will be that you are thinking too much.
Music is complex. Whatever your favourite genres are, and no matter your background or experience, I am sure you can, at the very least, appreciate there is a very peculiar set of dynamics at play here.
Music is simultaneously an art form, a business, an industry, an identity construct, a cultural phenomenon, a therapeutic refuge, a driver of change, a technical discipline, a profession and, above all, a way of life.
Perhaps most importantly, music is a powerful vehicle of social interaction and transformation.
Music has the power to shape entire societies. It transcends languages, cultures, social status and class divides with arguably more gravity than other art forms.
“Music makes the people come together… Music, mix the bourgeoisie and the rebel”, as the great old (sorry, Madge) philosopher Ciccone once said.
It really doesn’t take a genius to understand that, on a random Sunday morning, you might genuinely wonder why critical acclaim, commercial success, collectability and personal satisfaction don’t always seem to meet where you think they should.
You might have picked up a bargain without realising it’s a coveted edition. You may want to sell part of your collection to make room for new records as your tastes evolve over time. Perhaps you wonder whether anyone else agrees that a certain album was criminally misunderstood at the time of its release.
Well, you are going to have to find another place to hold these discussions. (If it helps, Substack still is, for now, a safe bet). Run-of-the-mill social media groups? Forget about it, pal. Not a chance in hell.
Anything that distracts those keyboard warriors from their carefree Sunday morning spinning session will be severely admonished.
Stop thinking! Just enjoy!
Oh, sorry. I must have forgotten to visit the lobotomy clinic when I picked up my vinyl collector starter pack.
You think this is thinking too much? Shall we discuss Heidegger? The concept of beauty in the neoclassical period? Derivatives law?
Who do you think you are —with your run-on sentences, caveman-style facial hair, flannel shirts, and dirty socks under your bed— to dictate how you think I should enjoy my vinyl? To insinuate that flexing my brain muscles means I’m not enjoying?
Just because you have got the IQ of a doorknob doesn’t mean we must all go down to your level.
You can’t be arsed to think too much? That’s okay. You don’t have to. But you can’t tell us how we should live our passion.
Don’t feel my vibe and don’t have anything constructive to say? Scroll on, my friend, scroll on! Fly away, free as a bird, go seek your vinyl joy!
These people, the guardians of vinyl joy and pleasure, are the first ones to complain about scalpers, or high prices, or the fact there isn’t even a viable market for the records they want to buy.
Well, guess what? Alienating people tends to push them away. Don’t you want to be part of those price/value discussions? If not as a potential buyer, as a member of the community, at least. Fair if you don’t, but don’t go around complaining about sellers if you’re not playing your part to make a change.
Some things might seem complicated, I know. Music is complicated. Life is complicated. We are complicated.
And I’m well aware I’m way above-average complicated.
We can debate constructively, we can learn from each other, we can agree to differ, or we can simply let each other be.
There may be two sides to every record, but there’s a million sides to every vinyl story.
Thanks for reading/listening. Happy spinning!
Well crap, that was a lot for a Sunday morning.
There should have been a warning, do no read until after coffee...lol
What a fantastic read. I know that you and I come from totally different points on the music map. We have a lot in common, but a lot not in common. For me, that is perfect, I can learn from you, gain new insights, just have fun learning.
We don't have to agree to respect each other
However, I still stand by the statement, The Clash, the only band that matters.
I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a voiceover here! I just did because you mentioned it in your response above. That was delightful!! First - I teach college writing, and I ALWAYS recommend reading your work out loud as part of the editing process, so I loved those bits of discovery/editing you do in the voiceover. Secondly- I love your ending “There may be two sides to every record, but there’s a million sides to every vinyl story.” Unknowingly, I purchased (and listened to) a used copy of War by U2 on its 42nd birthday 🎉 divine vinyl shop intervention? That’s a good vinyl story. Hahaha!
Money is definitely part of the equation/discussion. Collectibility as well. I get that the joy and experience is primary, but to rule out part of the discussion is ridiculous. I am not in any of those online groups - I just read a bunch of music Substacks lol - and after reading about those other online vinyl communities here, I would likely never join any as they seem way too pretentious.